>Getting off the bus at the end of a school day when mom was home always excited me as a child. I remember one day coming home and mom had made us caramel popcorn for an afternoon snack. Sometimes when mom had been at home while we were at school I would come home to a clean bedroom when I had left a giant mess that morning. I loved that too.
I honestly hadn’t given much thought to my own childhood when I have thought about how things would be for us raising the girls. How did I feel about how I spent my time? I remember a time when I spent my days with my dad on the farm while mom was at work. Highlight being the pork fritters with velvetta and ketchup that dad would make me for lunch. Low light would probably have to be the day that he wasn’t paying that close of attention to me and I rubbed my arms all over this really soft pink stuff. Fiberglass insulation. It really isn’t all that soft after a while.
I liked following my dad around while he worked. I also spent a lot of days with my mom. We did a lot of shopping, and eating at Mr. C’s.
I remember days spent with “Grandma Marge” at her house in Tabor while my parents were working. And kool aid and bologna sandwiches at Debbie’s house.
Now that Leila is getting to the age where I know that she is going to be keeping some of these memories we are making, I worry a little bit more about the way we are living our lives. Is she going to remember loving the weekends that we all have together? Will she appreciate her school days, or years from now will she wish that she hadn’t been “raised” at Love-A-Lot?
When my Grandma died I thought about all of the lost time that I hadn’t had with her after my family moved away from our home right down the road from her farm. At first I thought, “if only we had stayed…I would have had so much more time with her.” But then I found comfort in the knowledge that when I visited her, I was really with her. I did not take her for granted. Every time I said goodbye, I told her that I loved her, and I know that she knew that not only did I love her, but I wanted to be with her and that is why I made that trek across the state to stay at her house.
I hope more than anything that Leila will remember fondly the days that she got to spend with her mom, watching movies, playing with Play doh, reading books and spending time at the library and the park. And I hope it feels special to her.
Some days I think too much, and I have had a few of those days lately.
I had a bad mommy moment this weekend…we were playing in a hotel swimming pool and Leila kept splashing me in the face. Annoying, but then Cory handed me Thea and when Leila continued to splash me, and now her sister I was getting frustrated with her, and I splashed her back. Right in the face. She looked down, and I thought she was going to cry. I felt like a pile of poo. Man, here we were trying to have a special family day and play in the pool…the first time this year that she has gotten to go to the pool…with a baby sister at home, it is hard to do things that a 3 year old enjoys, like swimming. She pouted for a while, and I tried not to cry. She moved on to continue to play and have a great time. I hope she doesn’t remember that incident. I wonder if I will remember it when she is grown. Sometimes I wonder if I should have had to take some kind of test or something to prove I was grown up enough to have a kid.