>Bracing Myself

>When I started working part time after Thea was born I knew it would be a temporary arrangement. This fall, on my own accord, I set the date. October 4th.
It would work out perfectly…Leila could have a year of full day pre-school before going off to kindergarten. Thea would be weaned in the spring of 2010 and I could have a summer to enjoy hanging out with my daughters without having to deal with nursing in public and the constant hormone high that makes me a crazy person. We would be moved into our new house, and I could slowly ramp up my work effort.

Thea still isn’t weaned, because I can’t bring myself to turn her down when she cries and whines “mama, mama.” So I am still a crazy person on a hormone high from Hades. Our house is now delayed to the middle of October. So I will be working full time, and yet not have earned any vacation time yet to use to settle in. My work load is…well, lets just say that it won’t be hard to fill my days come October.
The only thing that is going as planned is daycare, and we pay them a whole lot to go as planned.

I always knew this would come, and there are a lot of reasons why it is the right move, but I am bracing myself for the fall out. I don’t know what I will do without my relaxing days at home with the girls watching PBS, reading books, catching up on laundry and housework. My opportunity to take the girls out and see friends and hang out at the library or the children’s museum.

Dear Lord, how will I ever catch up on housework?

Work will get easier, in the sense that I will be able to meet expectations a bit easier, not that it will get easier for me to want to be there. Everything else. Everything is about to get a lot harder, and I brace myself, and try not to cry.

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