I have always prided myself on my sense of self preservation.  That looks dangerous? A quick risk assessment will tell me if its worth it or not and I proceed.  I have made it to nearly 32 years old with no broken bones *knock on wood* and have had a pretty satisfying existence.  If I die tomorrow I won’t have any regret.

Those are good things.  At least I think so.  Where the self preservation is really getting to me is on the trail. I want to run. I want to be fast, efficient and athletic.  I hit the trail or the treadmill as often as I can make myself and I never fail to end up angry at myself as a scale back my jog to a walking pace when the going gets tough.  I know I can keep going.  I also know that I have an instinctual need to never let myself get to the point where I can’t keep going.  When my tank gets down to a quarter left, I pull it into the station.  I want to know how far I can get on one tank.  Whoever said that running is more mental then physical had it right.  Any tips on getting over the hurdle?  Today I tried to slow down, focus on finishing my 5K without any walking stops, even if it meant jogging slower then I could walk just to not break my form.  I finished in just over 35 minutes, but I slowed to a walking pace no less then 4 times on the route and I cursed myself every time.  I wish I could be happy with my progress and not feel like a failure when I turn up Windsor Drive towards home.

Oh, and as a follow up to my previous running entry…I am no longer Obese.  I am firmly overweight and pretty pleased with myself about that.