>Because I promised pictures and didn’t come through I will get to the good stuff first and the rambling later.
We really didn’t get many Christmas pictures unfortunately, and we took none on Christmas Eve this year, the whole thing was kind of a blur…here is what we have though.
Now on to the ramblings….
So lately I have been on a “me” kick. I got a couple of books for Christmas that I really wanted, both of them are all about mom’s and how to be a happy and well rounded person. I am finding that so much of motherhood consists of guilt. I feel guilty for spending time away from Leila, I feel guilty for not making the most of the time I have with her, I feel guilty for working, I feel guilty for missing work, and so on and so forth…you get the picture.
Anyway, I have decided that I need to do better at taking care of myself, letting go of the guilt and making the most of my life. Nobody is perfect, but I am trying.
My first order of action has been to start an exercise routine, so I am doing a program called the “couch to 5K.” You can read about the program here: coolrunnings.com but basically, in the course of 2 months it can take you from no activity at all to being able to complete a 5K run. I am only a week into the program, but I don’t think I can let myself fail at this, it just may take me a little extra time. I am enjoying my time at the rec center too, it is nice to get out of the house and have a little time to myself, especially with the crappy winter weather we have had. So there is your update on me.
Now for the Leila update….well, we had a wonderful 10 day break from work/daycare and we all really enjoyed our time together, but since we have started back to our routine things have been really rough for Leila. Two weeks ago we could ask Leila if she was ready for bed and she would say “yes!” grab her blankie and wait for us by her crib…in the past week or so, things have done a complete 180, she now cries and cries when we try to put her to bed, it is really miserable but we are just trying to push through and comfort her as much as possible without completely giving in. I am really hoping that this passes soon. Aside from bedtime we also have the daycare drop off issue…she screams and cries and pulls at our legs and begs us not to leave her. It is TORTURE! Now, I have felt a lot of guilt about daycare over the last year and a half, but I have kind of put it to rest at this point. Leila gets a lot out of school, she learns new things all the time, she gets great interaction from the other kids and I really feel like this is good for her. That fact makes this so much easier to deal with, that and the fact that she is always having a good time when I come to pick her up in the afternoon. I just hate to think that my little baby is having so much anxiety, I hate hate hate to think that even at this young age, she worries. Parenting is a hard job and I just hope I am doing a good job for Leila, I love her so much.
Well, I will put in a little Cory update too…he is sick as a dog. I finally talked him into going to the doctor yesterday and pretty much every part of his head is infected. This has been a really rough week for the Coobs family, the weekend can’t come fast enough!
On another note, the company that I work for announced to us yesterday that they are now going to deduct vacation time for leaves of absences, so now, if you go on Maternity leave you not only have to use your vacation time to make up for the lost pay, but you also won’t be earning any vacation while you are out. So, maybe that isn’t so terrible by the standards of others, but for me, it is just one more way to make life more difficult for working moms. You know, in Canada and most European countries, working moms get 6 months to a year of paid maternity leave? The United States doesn’t have a lot of company in the group of industrialized nations that don’t offer paid leave for their citizens, and yet the government wants you to think that they value families and that all women should breastfeed. I do have to give my company props, I was able to nurse Leila for a whole year because I had the luxury of a lactation room and the ability to pump whenever I needed to, but that is not the norm, and it is not the law. This is a big pet peeve of mine, which is why I have joined the group momsrising.org. The organization is based on mother’s rights in the workplace, and family issues. Check it out if you are interested in learning more about the trials of women and the pathetic way that this country values family. Off of my soapbox for now.
Love to you all! Tricia