I am finally starting to come down from my mommy flip out. The perfect cap to the pre-long weekend week that I have had. I can’t even bring myself to recreate the scene for you. But it ended a little bit like the time that I had to hold Leila down in her car seat while she screamed and frothed at the mouth out of sheer rage, only this time I was the fit thrower, and I didn’t really froth, though I did cry. And scream. And Yell. After dragging Leila to the car after snatching her out of the hot tub at the Coralville indoor pool, literally dragging her, I settled into my seat and I begged Leila to tell me WHY WHY WHY SHE DOESN’T LISTEN TO ME! She ignored me, didn’t even look my direction.
This evening she told me that soon I am going to go to heaven and then I won’t be her mom anymore. I am trying to decide if that was a threat, or a wish. In any case, we both calmed down a bit after we made it home and I asked her again, a bit more calmly why she doesn’t listen to me. Her response was, “Because Mommy, I don’t want to be the kid, I want to be the grown up.” I told her that there are a lot of not fun things about being grown up. But she assured me that she was ready. I told her that I thought she should concentrate on enjoying kid things, and let me take care of the grown up stuff. She told me that she didn’t need me.
I took her to bed, covered her up and I said, “Leila, I really hope you know how much I love you.” She responded with, “Yep, but I don’t love you because you made me get out of the hot tub and took away my air mattress.”
I don’t think she realizes how much I wish I didn’t always have to be the grown up.